there's something about chicago- the dazzling proximity to the water, the chilly, stale air of the downtown streets, or the overwhelming number of drinks i routinely consume in a single night of Windy City partying that has once again conspired to make a ridiculous farce out of a normal, three day vacation. my friend dusty and i went to the gay bar together but we left separately; dusty with an attractive, gruffly-spoken thirty-something from lincoln park, and me with a fifty-seven-year-old catholic schoolteacher from Skokie. and dusty with an attractive, gruffly-spoken thirty-something from lincoln park. i suppose that the element of luck didn't completely desert me, however, seeing as my rendezvous came to an early-morning end when my 'new friend' had to rise to drive his 18-year-old daughter to high school, whereas Dusty's concluded somewhat less pleasantly when his gentleman caller, still sleeping off his 152 drinks, conceded defeat in the struggle against his bladder and quietly urinated on himself in the folds of dustin's brand-new bed.
waking up, i momentarily reflected on the forty year-old writer i'd met in the same bar the night before- my mind flickered over the memory of peeing in a bathroom stall, and the sudden awareness of his EXTREMELY UNSOLICITED hands opening the door behind me and snaking up beneath my sweater before reaching down to perform the entirely unnecessary duty of holding my penis as i finished relieving myself. nonetheless, the very soul of politeness and a firm subscriber to the venerable "when in rome" school of thought, i had been courteous to a fault; even going so far as to soften the blow of informing the guy that i wasnt going home with him by hastily making out with his UGLY ASS against the wall of the bathroom.
i think that next time i visit i'll confine my escapades to IKEA, H&M (where i got a sales associate's phone number) and maybe Flash Taco. what's the worst that could happen? and a word to the gay wise- stay away from Clark's on Clark. the porn they show on the television above the entrance is terrible and a total harbinger of what you're in for if you consume the terrible one dollar drinks the bartenders peddle like crack mother fucking cocaine.