today while riding the ann arbor city bus for the 10,000th time, i managed to have a novel, first-time experience. as i stared out the window and listened absently to the petty bickering of two passengers afflicted with downs' syndrome, my wandering gaze locked on a guy in one of the seats in front of me. he was wearing headphones and was sporting a sort of 'scruffy hairstyle/members'only jacket/pink polo shirt' combo that made me instantly think 'you should stare at this person until they turn around and get kind of creeped out.' and i always i obey my instincts. anyway, as the bus was taking a little longer than usual, i was not surprised when he decided to check the time on his handy digital wristwatch. he lifted it until it was about an inch and a half from his face and stared at it for a good thirty seconds. from this i deduced that, yes...i had just developed a crush on a retard.

is it weird that i'm still thinking about him? oh my god, yes. i don't need anyone to answer that for me, it's clearly just fucked up. i think i may be at risk for becoming obsessed with this person! i suppose now all i have to do is get his exhausted-looking retard-overseer-lady out of the picture and corner him somewhere private, away from the bickering downs' tagteam. perhaps the men's bathroom in the predominantly female-occupied nursing building at school would afford us the privacy we would need to get down to our nasty but undoubtedly mind-bogglingly HOTT business.

anyhow, as i was wondering all of this on the bus, the girl who had been doing most of the verbal offensive behind me tapped on my shoulder. "uhh, sir?" she said politely. surprised by being addressed as "sir" while riding a filthy bus, i responded- "yes, ma'am?" what the hell is that? i half expected the girl to continue with- "that wouldnt happen to be the new serialization by the delightful mr. dickens that you are reading, would it?" or something equally meritorious of aforementioned salutations. instead she just said, "yeah, you dropped your kleenex," and went back to telling benny to shut up so she could concentrate.