it bears reiterating (unless you haven't read kevi's account already, in which case i'll just take this quick moment to initially iterate) that several nights ago, me and a bunch of my more jocular dude friends had a party...well, it was really more of a primal scream-slash-rediscovering your inner caveman-type corporate retreat, only instead of business our shoptalk centers around never getting laid, new swedish pop bands, and crash courses on last week's Oz. nonetheless in retrospect this particular beer-sodden gathering managed to achieve something of a cinematic quality. so imagine, if you will, the antiquated, superman-esque shot of the analog wall clock hanging dutifully above a door as it's hands spin dramatically forward around the hours; then cut to a shot of beercans in a corner piling up from a modest ten to an embarrassing, slovenly and whorish ninety or so. now take a moment to survey the entire scene and and you will see ample evidence of:
1. Crowdsurfing
neil's new couch provided plenty of opportunities for foolish drunks to jump down upon the massive crowd of the, um, six people dancing on the living room floor. i said i would crowdsurf if and only if Adult. was played and i was not disapppointed, my friends.
2. Human Pyramid
human pyramid was really fun and overall not a bad idea until, having grown tired of traditional human pyramid (three people on all fours, two on their backs and a mighty king atop his sycophantic acolytes) the masses decided to play 'CounterIntuitive Human Pyramid' in which the lowest echelon is comprised of the three lightest individuals with the biggest dude on top. sounds benign, yes, but with a disparity of about 140 lbs between people on the bottom and those on the top, structural integrity was compromised in pretty fucking short order. at least nobody puked.
3. Operation Chair Smash
after aidan's disastrous decision to imitate a kangaroo sitting in kevin's molded plywood rocking chair, we took turns variously jumping up and down on the chair's splintered remains, kicking it, bodyslamming it, pouring miller high life on it. looking back, it seems that at some point in this episode i busted out a real ill-executed piledriver. now my knee is, like, black and black and i can't bend it. anyway, then everyone threw the poor ikea refugee's corpse into the backyard so we could keep dancing in the living room.
4. Belt Slap
belt slap is self-explanatory. after i remarked that i never wear belts except to parties, i removed my black leather belt, as did the other four dudes and chick. what then commenced can only be described as sheer sexual transference, as one by one misdirected erotic energies were poured into whipping the living shit out of anyone and everyone within in striking distance. while Belt Slap is by its nature chaotic, the only real rule is that any vengeance you wreak shall invariably be returned to you tenfold. or tenslap! the only thing that could have possibly eclipsed the sheer stupidity of Belt Slap would have to have been
5. Xtreme Punch Bryce
bryce is always getting himself pummeled at parties it seems. i know that this was the third occasion i saw him semi-voluntarily taking a pounding from novices eager to test their pugilistic ability against a real-life martial-arts enthusiast. usually it only takes a hit or two to send them cowering back toward the direction of the keg, but on this occasion, something was different. perhaps it was the lingering adrenalin of Belt Slap that endowed aidan with mike tyson power punch, but whatever it was it leveled bryce with a quickness usually reserved for slow-mo nature show playbacks of lionesses tearing into racing gazelles.
ever oblivious, (probably dancing and definitely drunk) kevi realized that bryce's recumbent form, crumpled in the corner, provided the perfect opportunity for a little one-on-one Crowdsurf Action and launched himself on the unsuspecting victim.
so that's pretty much all that i remember from the party, except for a possible episode involving kevi banging on the walls with an iron skillet. oh yeah, and i took my pants off. and i am told that with my pants off, i danced on the living room floor to the Cars.
goddambit did i not TELL you people THREE ENTRIES AGO not to let me take my goddamb pants off at parties?! if noone is paying attention here i'm just going to have to take another 50-day break from updating.
but it sure feels good to be back.